That’s right, my first rant is about sex.
It's really something that I have A LOT to say ever since I understood what sex means. If you are already feeling uncomfortable, I do encourage you to read on because you might want to get over that barrier some time in your life. There is absolutely no need find it dodgy or feel embarrassed about because most of us would experience it at some stage in our lives and it’s really not that much of a big deal. We should all build on positive thoughts about sex so nobody would feel bad or judge anyone just because someone is sexually active.
So this once I was talking to one of my guy mates about ‘sex’. I admit I am pretty close to him but we have never talked about anything ‘dirty’ until that conversation. I think I was the one who started the whole thing about sex, and I think I began with the question: Do you prefer Asian or Caucasian porns? At first, he didn't feel exactly comfortable in answering me because he thought I was a girl, and not many girls feel okay in talking about this with guys. He said whenever he talks about sex with his guy friends he’d have to be careful if there are any girls from the group around. He doesn't like it when girls throw those ‘looks’ at him. It’s the look that reveals disgust, embarrassment, awkwardness, dodge etc. Not only do they throw those looks at him, but also act as if they don’t understand what the guys are on about.
My only reaction to that was wtf, those girls are so damn pretentious.
Who on earth, having lived for 18 years of their lives, still don’t know what sex is about.
Why are they acting so innocent? It just annoys me so much when I see girls like that. Do they seriously think they are ‘better’ than everyone else because they are pretending that they don’t know anything about sex, implying that they are obviously virgins? It just seems like those girls are looking down on those who understand too much about sex and feel comfortable in talking about it with guys, especially those who aren't virgins. I get that she was trying to show that she is ‘breaking the mold’ or w/e but it just comes off as condescending and pretentious to me.
I might sound like I am overreacting but it’s only because it reminds me how so many people, including my parents, put all this stigma on sex, especially if the girl isn't a virgin did it because she loved her boyfriend or something. This is the stigma which in our society is the underlying factor of gender inequality and prejudice. By suggesting that sex is somehow "wrong" is to go against basic human nature. Thing is, sex is not even a bad thing; it is the way to ensure species survival in all biologically living things, and as humans, it is also a way to show love and affection for another person. Why would social constructs aim to go against evolutionary values? Why have we been conditioned to view it as something dodgy and ‘dirty’? It sadly reminiscent of the kind of prejudice that I see all the time. And yes, it does piss me off.
When it comes to sex, the situation is in fact very simple. You either choose to A) have sex with your boyfriend or B) not have sex with him. It is this simple and there is just no difference between the two. If you choose to have sex with him because you love him, good for you. If not, all good as well. It’s not like there is a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ choice. It’s like choosing to write your exam paper in blue pen or black pen. Some use blue and some use black. You wouldn't and shouldn't judge them differently for choosing something different to you, especially if it doesn't concern you in any way what colour their writing is in. How’s it different with sex and virginity? So, girls who throw those looks, don’t ever think that you are ‘better ‘ just because you are (probably still) a virgin kk?
Just the whole thing about girls needing to be chaste as well – it puts a lot of pressure on girls but never guys! As according to that guy friend of mine, they are all good when it comes to the topic about sex, porns etc. Why is it always girls who put so much emphasis on sex? Because our sexist society dictates it. Why can’t all girls stop being sheep of society and just start thinking about what sex really means.
I suppose another possible explanation would be because their parents, just like mine, taught me to avoid the topics about sex and only have sex when I grow up, with the person I’m gonna marry.
...wtf.
Why is women seen to represent something pure and untainted. It’s like how men are seen to be the leaders and protectors -- a stereotype that has good roots, but there is so much diversity in today’s society that we desperately try to enforce these old gender roles, and the result is more and more revolt. People want to be different, to be individuals. Putting a taboo on sexuality is like telling people not to steal; it’s going to happen anyway. So what if it a woman has sex with someone who isn't necessary going to be her lifelong companion? As I've just mentioned above, sex is not even a bad thing...
IF I were to tell you, I've had seven boyfriends in my life so far and I've slept with five of them, what would be your reaction? Firstly, would you label me as ‘ promiscuous’? Since when is someone’s preference to sleep with a lot of people bad? It’s not like I've contracted AIDS or STIs – even if I have, it’s not your place to judge me? It’s something some people just can’t get over, I know. I'd like to think that what I decide or not decide to do with my own body is my own choice, and that other people can get on with their own lives without judging me for what I do with what's mine. I mean I could choose to whether eat noodles with chopsticks or forks, nobody would care. Why is virginity any different? Also, just because a girl has had a lot of boyfriends doesn't make her a bad person. In fact it should be an indication that she is a lovely girl whom a lot of guys want to be with. I dare say for most people that relationship is just something that gets better and better with experience. For all of you who view sex as some biggie, I really do encourage you to think outside the box and think logically too. Stop stereotyping so much!
I hope this blog entry changes someone’s opinion in some way. Even just a tiny little bit will do, ‘cause maybe it will all become clearer when you meet someone.
Oh, women. Sometimes the things you say and do make me see where the misogynists are coming from. And it really makes me question if I’m just as dumb as you :/
hmmm...
ReplyDeleteBeing Asians (or not), some people will choose to have values which seemed or perceived to be morally right. Of course, to be answerable to oneself (whether you are really doing those things you mentioned) is one's responsibilities. No one can tell you what's wrong or right, even your own parents.
A person will need to go through his/her life cycle to test out certain things in life: some wanted the thrill, some for excitement, some just want their own life.
As a matter of fact, i wondered why some porn actors/actresses wanted to be in this line and i asked this question to some of my male friends before: why they want to go into this line, since it's "morally-wrong"? To me, i thought it was about the money. But there was some documentataries revealed that some just wanted the excitement of sex. And now i do agree that there are people out there who are not the norms.
You see weird people around, don't you? (although i am not perceiving people who like this kind of life to be weird; it's their choice).
Nevertheless, even if people see you differently after what you have said (or done), you cant change their views; its their choice as well. It's all about choices. I have a friend that used to be demure and obedient, whom turned out to divorce her husband and look for her own style of living as a dancer (which i didn't expect her to do that). She changed a lot, but she is happier (seems). It's her choice and though i don't like her new look, so what can i do? tell her off? No, i can't. I have an issue with gays too and i don't hide that from my friends, and thank goodness i don't friends who are gays (i think), but its these people's choice; and it's my choice to be 'stereotype' (haha).
Just remember whatever you do, self-protection is still important. To me, at least, most men just want to spread their genes around, and easy gals will seem to be easy targets. Whatever one does, never to hurt those who love the person, is the most important thing. And of course, don't hurt yourself.
Love, Leong.